How to tell your kids about surrogacy?

How to tell your kids about surrogacy?

We all know how curious the kids can be. Children whose families have a somewhat different look can begin to wonder how they came into existence. When they grow older, children are fully aware that the traditional equation is not suited for two dads or a single mother. In this article, we will cover the most burning question for surrogacy parents, how to tell your kids about surrogacy?

If your kid is conceived via gay surrogacy or a different type of surrogacy, it is important to have the “How did I come into existence?” discussion as soon as possible.

The thought of telling their child that they have been born in a non-traditional way for some parents can be terrifying. However, research has shown that it can affect not only the child but also parents to keep the child’s origin secret. One study found that kids born to surrogates face difficulty in adjustment to higher levels of stress and anxiety, if not handled carefully.

Why you should tell the children that they are born out of surrogacy?

There are many daunting reasons for which you need to tell the children that they are born out of surrogacy. Some of them are – 

1. Feeling of mistrust – If your child would get to know from someone else, that he/she is born out of the surrogacy procedure, he may develop a feeling of mistrust for you. So, you yourself must convey this message to them. Many, including relatives, friends, and your physician, know the story of your child, and can be detrimental if your child learns the truth from anyone other than you.
2. Feeling of guilt and stress for the parents – Hiding the surrogacy story from the child can lead to stress, depression, and anxiety within you and your partner. So, you must speak up in the right way and at the right time.
3. Donor related risks – Donor-conceived children may receive inaccurate medical information if they have no access to the family medical history of their donor
4. Risk of self-identity – Children can grow doubtful, especially if they have different genetic characteristics or traits, to identify themselves. The longer you conceal or withhold the facts, the more suspicious the child may become, in the family and the wider world, of who they are.

How to tell your children about the surrogacy truth?

So, how to tell your kids about surrogacy? You have to be very careful at times when you are telling your children about their surrogacy story. Just make sure that you are telling it at the right time and the right place with the help of tools and techniques. Otherwise, your one wrong step may widen the differences between you and your child. You should follow these simple steps when you want to tell your children about their surrogacy story –

#1. Decide to tell them the surrogacy story

Before telling them about their surrogacy story, do your homework well. Even before they are born, begin preparing to tell the story of your child. Gather details about the cycle of child surgery and your trip to a baby’s book: take pictures of yourself, the clinic, the surrogate, and her family as well. Document your child’s progress and begin to write the story of your child so he or she has an overview of all those who have gathered to enable their life in a clear visual and written way.

#2. Make sure that you are telling them at the right age what they need to know

You might just want to explain to young children that families are available in all forms and sizes and that people often need help to carry babies. With older children, depending on their age and level of comprehension, you may want a more comprehensive description. You may explain, for instance, how the IVF cycle and the biological connection between them and your family.

#3. Tell them in a conversing way

It is necessary to keep up an ongoing conversation about the procedure of surrogacy. Throughout the development of a pregnancy, children are likely to have specific and new concerns over time. When other kids ask questions and show interest in what is happening in your family, tell your kid that they are welcome to help others know. Your child may be proud of their role in helping other children learn about the importance of surrogacy.

#4. Maintain a positive attitude

A younger child with an open mind will be responsive to others’ moods and reactions, particularly your own. The development of a fun atmosphere and your surrogacy as an exciting tale allows your child to become more informed about the idea.

#5. Be reassuring

It is not the process of how babies come into this world, but how much they are needed and loved. They are more precious as so many people helped and participated to have them.  Make sure that they feel loved with a sense of pride in their birth stories.

#6. Gain understanding

When children begin to develop a more realistic understanding of biology and birth, they will want to know more about their surrogacy story. If you wait until this stage in your life to talk with your child about surrogacy, the information will be probably a shock for them, and the implications of surrogacy and egg donor conception can be a challenge. If, however, you have established an educational foundation and talked about his or her surrogacy story openly with your child, it will be quite a natural development, as they will begin to understand the exact functioning and meaning of the process.

#7. Be honest

In this phase, it is important that your child is open and you are honest and that his or her all questions are answered.

More resources for the surrogacy process:

All you need to know about gay surrogacy?

Single father surrogacy- what all your need to know

Single parent’s surrogacy process- an overview.

Countries where single parent surrogacy is allowed

Conclusion

Therefore, it is important to tell your child about their surrogacy story. You can also explain to them this, with the help of the storybooks. A sweet simple story of surrogacy that you can speak to your child is “The Kangaroo Pouch”. Rest assured that your child will be at ease with this concept.

I am Neelam Chhagani, a chief Surrogacy Consultant, representing IVF Conceptions, with more than 10 years of experience in international surrogacy.  It will be my great pleasure to assist you. With vast experience and deep subject knowledge, I guide and support intended parents, understanding the surrogacy process in terms of process, costs, and legalities country-wise and then manage their journey with one of our programs/partners worldwide. So, basically, saving their ton of research time and money and thus, channelizing you toward the right direction.