Complete Step-by-Step Guide for Men Gay Surrogacy

Complete Step-by-Step Guide for Men Gay Surrogacy

by Neelam Chhagani

The desire to nurture and care for a child is natural for all humans, regardless of their choices in personal life. Sexual orientation and marital status are frequently considered limitations for intending parents. At IVF Conceptions, parenthood is celebrated irrespective of all conventions. With the growing acceptance of single parents and LGBT parents, we have already helped many Gay couples embrace parenthood.

Although parenthood via surrogacy (especially cross-border surrogacy) is complex and financially draining, but for gay men, it is a bit more challenging as they have limited legally viable options with the staggering cost associated.

Below are few challenges for gay men seeking surrogacy arrangment. 

  • Their surrogacy options are less and getting closing each passing day., Most of the market are closing for Gay couples due to ethical reason and due to the overall closing of surrogacy in third world countries.  So, they have less option to pursue surrogacy journey.
  • Egg Donors requirement- To achieve parenthood gay couples need an egg donor.   An egg donor can be a friend or family member or anonymous egg donors.  The bottom line is baby will be half biologically linked with any one of them.
  • Not all IVF Clinics offer IVF/Surrogacy Services to gay men. They need to find an IVF Clinic or surrogacy agency that is open to working with gay men.  IVF clinics and surrogacy agencies work closely together and will often be able to refer you back and forth to each other.
  • Finding a surrogate mother who is passionate and open to become a gestational carrier for gay surrogacy for men.
  • If you are a couple, decide who will provide the sperm. One partner may provide all the sperm, or a couple may choose to divide the eggs and have half fertilized by each partner. In this case, one embryo from each partner would be implanted into the gestational carrier. Anyone providing sperm will need a physical exam, medical history, and sperm analysis.
  • Name on Baby Birth Certificate- In most countries name of the only biological father and surrogate mother comes in the baby birth certificate. That is why it is a challenge for them to put names of both parents in the baby birth certificate. It is only few state of USA (California), which offer legally viable surrogacy option for gay men with both parent’s name on the baby birth certificate.

Feel free to contact us to know your best option in term of legally viable and cost effective option of surrogacy.

Meanwhile, here is a checklist to consider for gay men while pursuing surrogacy services.

Personal consideration

  •  Do you really need a surrogacy route to achieve parenthood? For gay couples, it is obvious as they do not have many options.  However, if you are heterosexual couples, it is good to consult a fertility specialist to make sure surrogacy is the only option for you.
  •  Do you have emotional/family support around you to depend upon? Caring for a newborn is one of the demanding jobs, not to forget initial sleepless nights!
  •  Will you be open to telling your child(ren) how they got conceived? Meeting surrogate mother/egg donor can be on your agenda, whenever it happens. Have you discussed this with your gestational carrier /donor agency?
  •  Many IPs wish to use their own eggs, or their friend or family person instead of an anonymous egg donor. Do consider this option. If you wish to use your own egg donor, make sure to sign an agreement or discuss in advance about the legal aspect.
  •  Have you fully understood the most likely financial costs? Take price list with Surrogacy with a breakdown of cost.  What is added fee, if an egg donor is needed?  Consider another fee-  legal advice, surrogate matching, travel, transport & storage of genetic material, surrogate compensation, surrogate medical expenses, IVF – including embryo transfers, surrogate health insurance.
  •  Sometimes it takes one embryos transfer to be successful, but not always. So, make sure if first embryos transfer not successful, what is an additional  Be prepared to have at least 1-3 attempts.
  •  Keep 10% of total cost aside, to cover unseen incidental costs like Twins pregnancy, premature delivery etc. Always ask for a price list with a clear breakdown of cost and what all is included and at what stages you need to pay and for what.

 Legal Consideration

  •  Do the laws in your country allow you to engage in surrogacy at home and/or abroad?
  •  Have you engaged with other successful parents who already have completed their parenthood journey via surrogacy? It is good to consider the first-hand experience of those who already traveled the path you are considering.
  •  In your/your partner’s country of citizenship, is there an established process for granting citizenship to any child born through surrogacy? It goes not hurt to contact your country embassy, they provide an unbiased
  •  If considering overseas surrogacy option, do you understand the amount of time you will need to be away from home/ work for travel, documentation, infant care and exit processes?

Medical Consideration

  •  Do ask for the success rate of embryo transfer in a surrogate mother with/without egg donor?
  •  If you need PGD- this facility is available in IVF Clinic and what is added cost.
  •  Is there any law for a number of embryos can be transferred in a lady? In case you wish to have twins, how they can maximize this?
  •  Have you understood potential health risks of twin pregnancies for any children that result?
  •  What is IVF clinic consideration when choosing a surrogate mother? It is good to choose someone who has at least one baby of their own and psychologically prepared to give baby without any emotional baggage.
  •  Ask for a brief overview of pre-natal care for the surrogate How frequently you will receive an update about her process, scans, important marker tests or her pics of growing belly.
  •  Discuss your surrogate baby delivery options- Which hospital and how much it going to cost.

Surrogacy Agency Consideration

  •  How long have they been in business? It is wise to choose an agency which has at least 5 years of experience as they already have successful baby birth and exit so already know the level of complication involved and how to handle the unseen
  •  How many cases they have done- especially for your country citizen as it will help you to understand how efficient they are with baby exit process for your specific case.
  •  What type of medical/emotional/ psychosocial checks and support is given to surrogate before, during and after the surrogacy program?
  •  How do they take payments and what stages?
  •  If using a gestational carrier from your own country/another country, have you had sufficient discussion to ensure you are ‘on the same page’ in regards the arrangement and what level of contact she wants during/after the pregnancy?
  •  How smoothly surrogacy agency and IVF Clinic coordinate with each other as they should work like an integral team.
  •  Do you have 24- hour emergency support? How readily are they available to you?
  •  With their communication try to understand, if they are gladly assisting and taking time and effort to getting back to you. Are they quick and transparent with communication? Are you feeling connected with them and intuitively feel their genuineness?  It is going to be a yearlong process, you will be having a lot of conversations and become an integral part of each other life.  Develop trust and compassion for each other.

Your parenthood journey starts with the first step- that is by contacting us.  If you are in same-sex relations and looking to become the parent, we are here to help you!

I am Neelam Chhagani, CEO and International Patient Follow-up Manager, representing IVF Conceptions. I work as a surrogacy consultant and assist and guide the Intended Parents to become parents via surrogacy, globally.It will be my great pleasure to assist you.